Why the last person you should work for is a 4-hour sleeper

I worked for a 4-hour sleeper once — one of those over-achievers who simply couldn’t make himself sleep more than a couple of hours a day. The kind that studies say are hyper-successful and full of all the drive and determination that companies should have at the top.

It was the worst job experience of my life.

Scientifically speaking, these people have some freak-ass, genetic mutation that enables them to be fully rested on a sleep diet that would starve most of us. Plenty of big-name CEOs are said to fall into this category as are heads of state, including Bill Clinton and Margaret Thatcher and Donald Trump (although there’s some question as to whether he’s full of shit or legitimately a short sleeper), and they’re heralded as super humans who devote all that extra time to being more productive.

Sounds great — like a meth addiction minus the shattered teeth.

In 2011, the Wall Street Journal said these people were “energetic, outgoing, optimistic and ambitious.” I say the WSJ needs to review its fact-checking AND be thankful that they don’t have short sleepers in their newsroom. Because working for people who claim not to need sleep is torture. Here’s why:

1. They work all the fucking time. Sounds great, superhuman and like their kitchens would be incredibly clean, right? In the real world, the answer is “no.” Working for a 4-hour sleeper means you get emails and text messages from them at 4 a.m. (DND mode is your new best friend — until it turns off in the morning.)
2. They’re always freaking out. Here’s the deal: when you’re asleep, you don’t realize how much the world around you sucks. When you’re awake, you do. Imagine if you had an extra 3 hours to remind yourself of this. Then imagine that you obsess about these problems because no one else is awake to divert your attention, and you list them all in those 4 a.m. emails you send to your team. Wait, still have more time? (The answer is always “yes.”) Give the team a to-do list daily that has detailed instructions on how to fix everything. Cuz really, who gives a shit if they ever get their regular work done?
3. They’re micro managers. What else are you going to do with those extra hours? Oh, I know, tell people how to do their jobs. Tell them they’re doing their jobs wrong. And redo their jobs for them. Daily.
4. They’re anything but “chill.” I’ve had plenty of days where I’ve only logged 4 hours of sleep, and I take it out on everyone around me. Guess what? So do the 4-hour sleepers.
5. They shun caffeine. Can you really trust someone who doesn’t require a crutch to stay awake or isn’t taking micro-breaks every 5 minutes to pour another cup?
6. They make their teams look for new jobs. I worked for a short-sleeper at a late-stage startup. He had hand selected our team because we had all been rock stars at our previous jobs. He paid us way more than market rate for the work we did. The company was regularly touted as a “Best place to work.” But I still watched 70% of team leave within 2 years. The other 30% were either heavily medicated (anti-anxiety meds were their drug of choice) or had worked for this short-sleeper elsewhere so they “knew how to deal with him.” Newsflash: the teams he ran at other businesses had high turnover, too.
7. They refuse to admit there’s a problem. We would regularly discuss the short-sleeper’s non-sleeping habits (he frequently started these conversations; did I mention narcissism?) and he didn’t think it was a problem. I’ve talked to a few other short sleepers over the years, too. They always say the same thing: no problem because they’re super productive. What do the rest of us say? That these freaks are all in denial. I’ve never seen anything clearly on 4 hours of sleep. I’d argue that most of the short sleepers haven’t either.

Personally, I’d rather work for someone who stays up late either because it’s fun, they have too much work to do, or because their toddler thinks sunrise is the best shit ever — someone who knows, admits and understands that they’re sleep deprived. We normal sleep-deprived people might be completely irrational at times (because who hasn’t been there?) but deep down we all know that if we could just find the time to get enough sleep, we could see things clearly. We understand “normal.”

The short sleepers? They don’t. At all.